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Exhortations

Married Life

Married Life (Marriage)

Getting married is a grave decision if you are not ready to get into it. You must love the person you’re getting married to and have made up that decision to spend the rest of your life with that person. When you marry someone, you give up some of your freedom: your space, time, action, and anything you enjoy before marriage. It could be a big adjustment, especially if you are happy-go-lucky. However, you are still in control of yourself, and if you want the marriage to work, you will do everything you can to have a successful and happy married life, especially in raising a family.

Paul said,  husbands and wives in 1 Corinthians 7:5, Berean Literal Bible, “Do not deprive one another, except by mutual agreement, for a time, that you might be at leisure for prayer; and be together with the same again, so that Satan may not tempt you through your lack of self-control.” This passage describes our bodies, which Paul means not to deprive one another of each other’s bodies.

After God brought his wife to Adam, he named Eve. The man said: “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh, for out of the man, she took her, and they become one.” The wife owes her body to her husband, where she came from. It doesn’t mean God gave Adam an enslaved person because the husband also owes his body to his wife. He says you do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourself to fasting and prayer, so this is not one-sided as it is a mutual agreement.

Paul said in 1 Corinthians 7:4, NLT: “The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband gives authority over his body to his wife.” Neither wives nor husbands are independent of their bodies regarding marital duty—sex.

There was a belief that claimed that the human body itself was evil and sex that brought the first man to sin should be avoided, even in marriage. The damaging participation in sexual sin is the one to be avoided—Temptation.

There are many reasons why married people do not enjoy a better sex life. One reason is that sometimes, a husband or wife is more focused on acquiring material things that they put all their time into working and putting aside the personal and sexual relationship with each other, with less knowledge that intimacy enhances their relationship. You do not automatically know what would please you or your spouse when you get married. You may think that you know everything, but you may not. It takes time, and sometimes it comes late in your relationship. Sometimes, if not most of the time, problems arise, and the marriage ends in divorce or separation—Patience is needed.

Being married is not a joke if the couple does not share everything and trust each other, and constant communication is essential so that you will know what pleases both of you. Being quiet to avoid arguments is not fruitful and will only create a gap in your relationship. A dot of meaningless expression or act can only lead to a more significant and unmanageable reaction. Express the feelings in excellent communicative, friendly talk, and don’t just do it with facial expression, stamping of feet, or throwing things around will not help; talk it over at bedtime, which is better than in the daytime.

Jealousy only brings distrust, and losing trust in our partner will poison our minds and ruin a happy life together. When the wife looks emotionally disturbed and doesn’t care for herself because of jealousy, it only gives the husband more than one reason to leave the relationship. Jealousy can physically, mentally, or emotionally hurt you. When you allow it, then accept that you are at the losing end. Don’t let go of your good self to save your marriage.

When the husband starts criticizing the wife, he probably sees something different, or the wife has changed from when they were together. Criticizing should not be how the husband should treat the wife so that she realizes she is being noticed. When the husband puts the wife down, the marriage could be on the brink of destruction. Criticism,  such as the physical look of the wife, like, “you look un-attractive (losyang) or too captivating or inviting (tukso-nakakahikayat). Either could be offensive; at this stage, the marriage needs to be saved by either one.

Experiencing an unbearable sense of security, such as finances, can bring down relationships. In addition, there could be a third party involved, overloaded with broken marriage promises, and it could be broken promises to live in abundance. It links many disturbances: inability to think right, stress and anxiety, fighting with each other, and problems that start to build up. The focus on survival and personal intimacy then fades, and the couple starts to get cold with each other. 

Adultery, pre-marital sex, over-loaded responsibilities, not getting help, and many others could be added to these lists of reasons marriage doesn’t succeed. Still, it’s between the husband and the wife that can make the marriage work and obey what the Word of God says.

1 Peter 4:8 says, “Above all, love each other deeply because love covers a multitude of sins.” 4. Hebrews 13:4 says, “Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.”

We are never alone. God is love and will never get angry because we mishandled our marriage. He is for our successful marriage. Be mindful that God is the one that binds us together. If we do not rush and patiently wait for God’s timing, we will have a successful marriage. As the Song of Solomon describes, “Do not stir up nor awaken love until it pleases.”

Scriptures to meditate:

Colossians 3:14, 1 Corinthians 13:4-8, Isaiah 43:2, 1 Peter 4:8

God is all in all!

Bishop Joseph

Bishop Joseph Vitug, Ph.D. - Bishop Emeritus

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